Monday, March 5, 2012

A New Mommy For Lindsay

And this is the second story.

This morning when we are getting in the car to go to school Lindsay says to me: "I want a new mommy. Maybe one like Auntie Sheri" (her godmother, my very good friend).

Then she thinks for a moment.

"But Auntie Sheri is expensive," she continues, "And I don't have a lot of money. So I guess I am stuck with you."

I Did Not Ask For This

My mom says I have to write this stuff down - so since I had two new Lindsay stories that she insists I will want to remember and that Lindsay will want to hear sometime in the not-so-distant future I am following her motherly advice and writing (er, typing) them down for posterity (despite the fact that the following story is not one that I'm so sure *should* be saved for posterity).

First. a little background on Lindsay (since it's been about 2 years since I wrote anything here). She's a carnivore. She'll tell you that herself. Will will tell you that he is an omnivore (and truer words might never have been spoken) but Lindsay is our carnivore.

Yesterday after church we went out to breakfast with my in-laws at their golf club. My mother in law asked Lindsay what she is going to order, maybe pancakes, maybe the waffles ...

Lindsay says, "I'm going to have a plate of bacon and oranges."

Mother in law: (looking a bit taken aback) "Oh, okay. Well, would you like some toast with that honey?"

Lindsay: "No. I only want to order what I already said. Bacon and oranges." (Later she adds orange juice for a drink).

Mother in law: Okay then.

When it comes time to order I explain this to the waitress. When Lindsay says she wants oranges she is referring to the slice of orange garnish that they always put on the edge of the plate. Usually Lindsay just steals them from everyone at the table but yesterday she wanted her own.

Fast forward to the food arriving. The waitress puts down a plate of just what Lindsay ordered. Lindsay looks at the plate with some disdain. Then she reaches across the plate to the piece of green leaf lettuce onto which the chef has set the seven or eight slices of orange garnish. She picks it up very carefully between her index finger and her thumb, almost as if she was picking up a soiled tissue. She looks at me, then at my mother in law. "I didn't ask for THIS." she says accusingly.

Like, how stupid are you people? Did you not hear what I said? I SAID "'Bacon and oranges'. I did NOT say 'green leaf lettuce'."

My mother in law was laughing so hard that her eyes were tearing up.